A story of self-identification: Are you a meditator... or not?

I’ve been asked a lot of questions recently. One surprised me, ‘are you a monk?’ but I easily knew my answer. But another, ‘are you a meditator?’ was deceivingly difficult to address.

It should be a straightforward yes or no answer, right? You may be thinking, if you meditate, you’re a meditator, surely there’s not much more in contention here?

Well… I believe it’s quite complicated because of the potential harm of labels. Let me tell you why by talking about the impact that such a simple question had on me.

What’s the issue with a label nowadays?

There doesn’t have to be any issue with a humble label.

It's important to recognise that even though not all labels are inherently negative, and the fact that some can be empowering or provide a sense of identity and community, there are numerous risks involved in using them. 

So when asked the question ‘are you a meditator?’, I just couldn’t respond to the question initially.

My response to the question has the real potential to alter how I a perceive myself. Am I really 'Steve, the meditator’?

Thankfully though, it was not an in-person question, so I was able to hide the intense whirring of my cognitive abilities while trying to discover why I could only type “yes, but…” numerous times in different guises into the text box.

I couldn’t press enter with whatever came to my mind.

That’s unusual for me, I had to grapple with some intense thoughts—an internal argument of sorts—I was preventing myself from taking the next step because I had to do some untangling.

The harms of labels in the modern world…

When talking to people, I think it's important to see each person as unique and complex. Using specific language instead of general labels to better understand and communicate with others, promoting empathy and respect.

This ‘person-centred’ approach to communication really resonates with me.

When labels are not used thoughtfully, they really can hinder our ability to achieve this person-centred approach in whatever it is that we are doing in our lives.

To emphasise this point, let's highlight the potential risks associated with the use of labels: 

• Labels can foster stereotyping and generalisation by oversimplifying and categorising individuals or groups based on specific characteristics, leading to unfair assumptions and judgments.

• Labels can carry stigmas and social judgments, potentially causing individuals to feel marginalized or judged based on a single aspect of their identity or behavior, contributing to social inequality and discrimination. 

• Another concern is that labels may restrict self-expression, confining individuals to certain expectations or roles and limiting their ability to fully express their diverse interests, emotions, or experiences, especially when labels are narrowly defined.

• Labels can contribute to an "us vs. them" mentality, creating divisions between groups and hindering understanding and empathy, leading to confrontation and polarisation.

• Moreover, labels may inaccurately and simplistically represent the complexity and uniqueness of individuals or concepts, failing to capture the diversity and nuances inherent in human experiences.

• Lastly, there's a risk of the self-fulfilling prophecy, as individuals who are labeled may internalise these labels, conforming to societal expectations and potentially limiting their personal growth and potential by living up to or down to the expectations imposed by the label.

That’s some heavy stuff to consider, but consider it we should when using labels.

Learning the power of questions…

I discovered, of course, there was nothing inherently wrong with the question I was asked, and nothing inherently wrong about saying yes or no as a response whatsoever.

I was simply becoming aware of how I would be perceived with a ‘new’ label.

After all, I see myself as someone that meditates, of course!

But how would others see me if I claim to identify as a meditator? Does answering yes to the question validate a part of my identity, a part of my existence, in some subtle but important way? I think it probably does.

I answered “yes, yes I am a meditator”.

And on reflection, being recognised as a meditator proves beneficial to me. However, fundamentally, by affirming this identification with a yes, it's akin to elevating 'Steve, the meditator' (just one facet of my identity) higher up on my personal identification hierarchy.

By virtue of answering this simple question, I’m now placing more importance on this part of my identity. It’s a bigger part of me now.

Equally, it implies that I still need to determine what has been demoted and which aspect of my identity puzzle is now considered less significant.

Overall, the key is to use labels thoughtfully and with an awareness of their potential impact on individuals and society.

This includes some of the harmless questions we ask as well as the ones that come our way, carefully choosing how we respond.

From my observations, there's a finite space for self-identification because it's not feasible to encompass every aspect of what we want to identify with, all the time, even if one desires to do so.

This process of self-identification is continually evolving, and the evolution can be accelerated when confronted with straightforward questions, especially the ones that really matter to you.

You don't have to rely on anyone else to progress this process either. You can ask yourself questions to engage this process right now. For example, some more familiar questions you’ve likely encountered over the years are:

1. What are my core values?

2. What activities bring me joy and fulfillment?

3. What are my long-term goals and aspirations?

4. What are my beliefs about success and failure?

5. How do I cope with stress and adversity?

6. How do I define my sense of purpose in life?

7. What are my cultural, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs?

Whether it’s a question above, or your equivalent of 'are you a meditator?' as you go about your day, the inability to provide an immediate response serves as a clear signal to harness the power of questions. 

Seize the opportunity to genuinely recognise and define yourself more accurately by delving into thoughtful self-reflection and bring more awareness to who you are in this moment.

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